Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: The Fibber McGee and Molly show NBC and Tums present. Fibber McGee and Molly transcribed the show was written by Phil Leslie and Ralph Goodman and directed by Max Hutto.
Fibber and Molly will be with you in a minute.
[00:00:28] Speaker B: He who's prepared need not suffer. This is Don Wilson, your down to earth philosopher with a bit of wisdom to all of you who suffer from acid indigestion or heartburn. Since you never know when stomach discomfort will strike at work or play at home or away, the wisest thing is to keep fast acting Tums handy. Always the on the spot relief it brings to settle and soothe your stomach is an absolute wonder. Good reason why Tums is America's number one choice for relief of acid indigestion, heartburn and sour stomach. Gentle, fast acting and no need to mix with anything. It's handy as candy. So don't be caught without your Tums and suffer needlessly from acid indigestion. Keep Tums in purse or pocket at all times. Get TUMS today. Tums for the tummy. Economical. Only 10 cents.
[00:01:29] Speaker A: Mr. McGee of 79 Wistful Vista has the hiccups. Ministering to the stricken man at the moment are Mrs. McGee and Wallace Wimple.
[00:01:38] Speaker C: Molly.
[00:01:39] Speaker D: Yes, dearie?
[00:01:40] Speaker C: Did you get hold of Docker Gamble?
[00:01:42] Speaker D: Not yet.
[00:01:42] Speaker C: Aw, that rattles.
[00:01:44] Speaker D: Don't get upset, sweetheart. We'll find him.
[00:01:46] Speaker E: Yes, and don't take that paper bag off your head. Mr. McGee, you still have two minutes to go.
[00:01:51] Speaker C: I better sit down. I keep bumping into the.
[00:01:55] Speaker D: Sit right there, dearie.
That paper bag over your head ought to help. I hope Mr. Wimp will come out in the kitchen a minute.
[00:02:03] Speaker E: Certainly, Mrs. McGee.
[00:02:05] Speaker C: Boy, that doc'll gamble for you. Might end a dinner. He's here two hours early. But when you need him.
[00:02:10] Speaker A: Hi, George. Here.
[00:02:14] Speaker E: What is it, Mrs. McGee?
[00:02:15] Speaker D: Look, dad. Mr. Wimple, I remember when I was a child, my sister had the hicups and my father cured her by scaring the dickens out of her.
[00:02:22] Speaker E: Scaring her? Say, that's right.
[00:02:25] Speaker D: He stood behind a door wearing a horrible mask.
[00:02:27] Speaker E: Oh, my goodness. Why didn't I think of that? You wait here. I'll be right back.
[00:02:31] Speaker D: Where are you going?
[00:02:32] Speaker E: Home. I've got a picture of Sweetie Face, my big old wife. That'll cure him or kill him. It's pretty drastic treatment.
[00:02:39] Speaker D: Oh, I don't think so.
[00:02:40] Speaker E: I ring the bell when I get back and you let him answer the door. I guarantee you, when I hold that picture in front of my face and.
[00:02:47] Speaker D: Go dumpty dum dum no, no, no, Mr. Wimple. I don't think your wife would appreciate that at all. There must be some other way we can.
[00:02:55] Speaker E: Hey, I have got an idea. Now.
[00:02:57] Speaker D: Good.
[00:02:58] Speaker E: Open the door. Let's see how he's doing.
[00:03:03] Speaker D: Oh, dear. Just the same as ever. The poor dear.
[00:03:07] Speaker E: I hope I never get that. Imagine trying to hide from hurry with a sending station like that.
[00:03:14] Speaker C: Hey, Wimple, can I take this paper bag off of my head?
[00:03:18] Speaker D: What do you think, Mr. Wimple? It doesn't seem to be doing any good.
[00:03:22] Speaker E: Just a few more minutes, Misty McGee. I'll tell you when.
[00:03:25] Speaker C: All right, but hurry up. I'm getting hydrophobia under this thing.
[00:03:29] Speaker D: You mean claustrophobia, dearie?
[00:03:31] Speaker C: I mean hydrophobia. This home remedy. Wimps is getting under my hide.
[00:03:36] Speaker E: Be patient. A little dog.
I shall now outline my plan, Mrs. McNeath. We want to scare the hiccups out of him, right?
[00:03:45] Speaker D: Right.
[00:03:45] Speaker E: And that paper bag over his head is part of my plan. Oh, this is a good one. With that bag over his head, you're.
[00:03:52] Speaker D: Not going to burst that bag with his head in it?
[00:03:55] Speaker E: Oh, good gracious, no. This is much simpler than that. He can't see with that sack over his head. So here's what we do. You tell him you're going to lead him out to the kitchen so you can fix him some lunch.
[00:04:06] Speaker D: Some lunch?
[00:04:06] Speaker E: Yes, that always interests him. In the meantime, I'll sneak upstairs and put a kitchen chair out on the edge of the roof.
[00:04:13] Speaker D: The edge of the roof?
[00:04:14] Speaker E: Yes. Then in a burst of joviality, I'll say, climb on my back, Mr. McGee, and I'll piggyback you out to the kitchen.
[00:04:21] Speaker D: Carry him to the kitchen?
[00:04:23] Speaker E: Yes, but instead of the kitchen, I'll carry him upstairs and out through the French doors onto the roof and sit him in the chair.
[00:04:30] Speaker D: Oh, now wait a minute. I don't think that.
[00:04:32] Speaker E: Can you imagine the shock when we sneak back through the fence doors? Wait 10 seconds and then you yell, take off the sack, dearie. Lunch.
[00:04:40] Speaker D: Oh, no, Mr. Wimple. That's much too dangerous. Why, he might fall off of that roof.
[00:04:45] Speaker E: I won't put the chair too close to the edge.
[00:04:47] Speaker D: Oh, no, no, I won't let it.
[00:04:49] Speaker E: Bound to work. He can't get hurt. Look, come upstairs and let me show you where I'll place the chair and. Oh, come on now. Just let me show you. Nothing will happen to you.
[00:04:57] Speaker D: Please.
[00:04:57] Speaker E: Disease. And It'll cure.
[00:05:07] Speaker D: Hello, Dr. Gamble?
Oh, he isn't back yet. Well, this is Mrs. McGee again.
Yes, he still has them, but that isn't why I called, Ms. Ogilvie. It's Mr. Wimple. He was trying to demonstrate a theory of his and fell off of the porch roof. No, luckily he fell in the rain barrel. But I'm afraid he's caught cold.
Send him right home to bed, huh? Well, thanks. And I do hope you can locate the doctor for McGee. If he doesn't get rid of those hicups soon.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: There'S more fun with the McGee's shortly. You like to make dreams come true, don't you? Then you know what it takes too hard. Cash on the line. How to get it. That's no mystery either. Save for it. Invest your dollars in United States Savings Bonds. It's the safe, sure way to earn extra dollars. When your savings bonds mature, you get back $4 for every three you put in. And even more if you hold them longer. A handsome return on your investment. And buying bonds is a cinch when you do it the automatic way. I mean, on the payroll savings plan where you work, your employer saves a couple of dollars for you before you draw your pay. So you won't even miss the money. When there's enough for a bond, he buys it for you automatically. And don't forget, every bond you buy helps to make a stronger, more secure America. It helps to keep our American economy strong. There's no substitute for safety and security. And you're assured of both with your purchase of United States Savings Bonds. On the painless payroll savings plan.
[00:06:51] Speaker D: Oh, the poor dear. Walking around the house, just hiccuping his head off. I wish there was something.
[00:06:56] Speaker C: Hey, Molly. Hey, Molly. It stopped.
[00:06:58] Speaker D: What?
[00:06:58] Speaker C: It stopped just like that.
[00:07:00] Speaker D: For no reason at all. Oh, that's wonderful, Magee, wonderful.
[00:07:02] Speaker C: After I just paid five bucks for.
[00:07:04] Speaker D: A new mainspring in my watch. Stops your watch? Oh, for heaven's sake. I thought your hiccups.
[00:07:09] Speaker C: No, they're still with me.
[00:07:11] Speaker D: Well, don't you worry. Dr. Gambler will be here as soon as they can locate him.
[00:07:14] Speaker C: Yeah, I wish he'd hurry up. Good old Doc. He'll fix me up. He can help anything.
[00:07:18] Speaker D: Oh, I hope this is him now. Come in.
[00:07:21] Speaker F: Hello there, kids. Hi, daughter. Hi, Johnny.
[00:07:23] Speaker D: Oh, hello, Mr. Old Timer.
[00:07:25] Speaker C: Hi, Old Timer.
[00:07:26] Speaker F: Took the afternoon off, kid, so I thought I'd come in the front way. What's new, Johnny?
[00:07:30] Speaker C: That's a fine question, ain't it, Molly?
[00:07:32] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:07:32] Speaker C: What's new? He says. Guess, Old Timer. I'll give you a hint. It's got something to do with me.
[00:07:39] Speaker F: Let me see. Hey, you got your hair Done different, Johnny. Ah, yes, that's very becoming that way, ain't it, daughter?
[00:07:45] Speaker D: Well, if you like it hanging down in his eyes.
[00:07:47] Speaker F: Yes, dad.
[00:07:47] Speaker C: Rattlet that. Think what I'm talking about.
[00:07:50] Speaker F: Hey, you got the hicups, Johnny? Sounds like the hicups, daughter.
[00:07:54] Speaker D: That's what we suspect.
[00:07:55] Speaker F: Oh, that's too bad, son. What you doing for it?
[00:07:58] Speaker C: Picking, mostly. And never mind the home remedies. I've tried holding my breath, walking around with a paper sack over my noggin, putting a cold knife against my upper lip.
[00:08:07] Speaker F: Oh, that's for nosebleed.
[00:08:09] Speaker C: You walk around with a paper bag over your head and you'll bang your nose against something too, like I did.
[00:08:14] Speaker D: This has been quite a day, Mr. Old Timer. Take another glass of water, dearie. Maybe that'll help.
[00:08:19] Speaker C: No, no more water. I'm so full of water. If my ribs were a xylophone, I could play it up tide.
[00:08:25] Speaker F: Oh, Papa used to get the hicups awful bad when I was a kid. Kids, anytime he got the hicups, Mama had a recipe she always used on him.
[00:08:33] Speaker D: What was it? We've tried everything, but.
[00:08:35] Speaker F: Well, why don't you stand right over here in this straight chair, Johnny? Ah, that's it. Get up on the chair.
[00:08:40] Speaker C: On the chair.
[00:08:41] Speaker F: Climb up there. That's the way Mama always had papa do it.
[00:08:44] Speaker D: Don't fall, sweetheart.
[00:08:45] Speaker F: Now I gotta. Balance yourself on one foot, Johnny. Take it easy now. You can do it. Aha. That's it. One foot. Now let me see what he do next. Oh. Now lean forward.
[00:08:56] Speaker A: Easy.
[00:08:56] Speaker F: That's it. And stretch your neck out as far as you can. Now all you gotta do is flap your arms against your sides fast as you can.
[00:09:03] Speaker C: Flap my arms?
Like that, miss.
[00:09:07] Speaker F: That's it. That's it. Now just keep it up, Johnny.
[00:09:09] Speaker D: Heavenly day.
[00:09:10] Speaker F: That's exactly the way Mama always had papa do it. That's the way.
[00:09:15] Speaker D: Did it always cure his hicups?
[00:09:16] Speaker F: Never done a thing for the hicops, daughter, but it give us kids a million laughs.
Oh, you keep at it some. I. I'll drop by later. And if it done any good, I'll be surprised. Oh, hi, doc.
[00:09:27] Speaker D: Bye, kid. Dr. Gamble, at last.
[00:09:29] Speaker G: Hello, Molly.
[00:09:30] Speaker C: Oh, am I glad to see you. Docio up, boy.
[00:09:33] Speaker G: I've been getting emergency calls all over town from your house, Molly. When I get over here, I find Little eggnogging up on a chair playing chicken. Little? What goes on?
[00:09:41] Speaker C: It's me, Doc. Hiccups. I've been picking all afternoon.
[00:09:44] Speaker G: I thought it was something serious.
[00:09:46] Speaker C: It Is you'll cure me, won't you, old doc, you.
[00:09:49] Speaker G: You've got a crust to get me up from my lunch to come over here and listen to your hiccups. I was right in the middle of my hamburger.
[00:09:54] Speaker C: Yeah, but give me something for the quick.
[00:09:56] Speaker G: I'm not gonna touch you. I'm hungry.
[00:09:58] Speaker C: What do you mean you're not gonna touch me?
[00:09:59] Speaker G: You got any Tabasco sauce, Molly?
[00:10:01] Speaker D: Tabasco.
[00:10:02] Speaker G: My hamburger. It's here in my satchel somewhere.
[00:10:04] Speaker C: Hamburger.
[00:10:04] Speaker F: You're gonna stand there and eat while.
[00:10:06] Speaker C: A patient suffers agony? You big butcher. Why, you heartless fake.
[00:10:09] Speaker D: You thug.
[00:10:10] Speaker C: You big fat sadist. Wait til the Medical association hears about this. I'll have your stethoscope for this.
[00:10:15] Speaker D: Now really, Doctor, I don't understand what goes on here. You never acted like that.
[00:10:19] Speaker C: I'll have you on smock for this. That's what I'll have you on. I oughta.
[00:10:22] Speaker F: Hey, hey.
[00:10:23] Speaker D: My hiccups. My hiccups are gone.
[00:10:25] Speaker G: Naturally.
[00:10:25] Speaker D: Oh, wonderful.
[00:10:26] Speaker C: Yeah, but what you mean, naturally?
[00:10:29] Speaker G: Shock, sonny boy. Shock.
[00:10:31] Speaker C: Shock.
[00:10:32] Speaker G: Best hiccup remedy I know.
[00:10:33] Speaker D: You mean you just did this to me?
[00:10:35] Speaker G: That's right, my dear. I never ate a hamburger for lunch in my life. Unless it was on an eight course dinner.
[00:10:41] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:10:41] Speaker C: Why you sleep. Sneaky little butterball, you.
That's a good one, all right. Wait till the boys at the Elks hear about this.
[00:10:48] Speaker G: That's pretty funny, huh? And by the way, while you're still laughing.
[00:10:52] Speaker C: Yeah?
[00:10:54] Speaker G: Here's your bill.
[00:10:56] Speaker C: 20 bucks?
[00:10:57] Speaker G: That's right. $10 for the house call. And another 10 to keep you in the state of shock until I get over to Walt's Mall Shop and order a filet mignon. Why, all this talk about hamburgers has made me hungry. So long, kids.
[00:11:18] Speaker A: We'll say good night to Fibber and Molly in a moment.
[00:11:21] Speaker H: Hello, folks. This is Doc Morton P. Gildersley. You may not realize it, but you have the key to my house. And all you have to do to get in on Wednesday nights is turn your radio dial to NBC. You'll meet my little family. There's Leroy.
[00:11:33] Speaker C: Hi, Unc.
[00:11:34] Speaker H: Hello, Leroy. And then there's our wonderful housekeeper.
[00:11:37] Speaker D: What are you doing, talking to yourself?
[00:11:38] Speaker H: No, my boy, I'm talking to millions of people.
[00:11:41] Speaker D: Oh, good. Can I say something to him?
[00:11:42] Speaker H: Well, I suppose so.
[00:11:44] Speaker D: Ladies and gentlemen, I have the kindest, most generous uncle in the whole world.
[00:11:48] Speaker H: Well, thank you.
[00:11:49] Speaker D: And just to prove it, he will not cross my palm with a quarter.
[00:11:52] Speaker H: Leroy, how do Ms. Gas leave? Yes, Birdie. Bertie's our housekeeper.
[00:11:59] Speaker D: One of your girlfriend is on the phone.
[00:12:01] Speaker H: Yeah, who is it?
[00:12:02] Speaker E: She sounds like a blonde.
[00:12:05] Speaker H: Yeah, I'll be right there. And, folks, on Wednesday nights, you'll meet Mr. Peavey. He isn't here now.
[00:12:10] Speaker C: No, I wouldn't say that.
[00:12:12] Speaker H: Didn't see you behind me.
See you Wednesday night, folks.
[00:12:24] Speaker D: And Dr. Gambler was only kidding about charging you $20. He said tell you to forget it.
[00:12:29] Speaker C: I already did. Boy, I wish Uncle Dennis had been here today. He'd have known what to do for the hiccups.
[00:12:35] Speaker D: Not him.
[00:12:36] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:12:36] Speaker D: Uncle Dennis hasn't had hiccups in 25 years, McGee.
[00:12:39] Speaker C: He hasn't?
[00:12:40] Speaker D: No. He has an immunity.
[00:12:43] Speaker C: Well, he deserves it. Good night.
[00:12:46] Speaker D: Good night, all.
[00:12:53] Speaker A: NBC and Tums T U M S comes for the tummies. Have brought to you the Bibber McGee and Molly program transcribed with Bill Thompson as the old timer and Wallace Whipple and Arthur q. Bryant as Dr. Camp. This is John Wall saying, don't forget tomorrow night because a generous impulse toward the good doctor almost finishes himself. Al Bibber, McGee and Bob follow the Senate committee hearings tonight on the NBC Radio Network.
